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ffoxright.
pity party over for a bit. stuff the emotions back in the box and lock them in the back of your head so you can continue with day to day life.
*thumbs up emoji*
went to tesco this morning, had a panic attack midway through because it was so big and i didn't know where anything was. then came home and put the food away but was too anxious to eat. its 3.15pm and i've just had a pack of crisps.
i need to clean the kitchen - i am so bored of cleaning the kitchen - and do laundry and put the laundry away. i finally finished reading alchemised, and i am now playing around with my budget for the year. i've got about £10 'spare' each month. not great, but at least i can get through each month without adding to the credit cards now. the sooner chris is working the easier i will be able to breathe. it's so much for one person to carry all the time.
i did some teeny investments at the start of the month when i decided to get my self together, and they are doing well, so thats nice. because i only invested £25 i am only up 84p so far, but its still a free 84p. unfortunately i still need another week of food shopping, we will need to fill the van up with fuel, and chris will need more tobacco before next payday hits and i have about £10 in my account so.... either i withdraw from my savings or i go into my overdraft. i need to start doing vinted listings again, but they've changed the whole sizing thing and nobody has bought any of my things since then.
i thought about sprucing up the kitchen on a budget, but it would take about three months to do with the way the finances are. my current plan is some more artwork, a new runner rug, some stick on tiles, silicone-ing the counters together (side-eyeing the woman we bought the house from here, her DIY skills are shoddy to say the least), getting some cupbboard risers, an extra countertop and some adjustable desk legs from ikea.... everything just feels like it will take too long to start, but at the same time if i don't start, it will just take longer so.
chris is currently over at the football field watching the over 40s game to see if its something he wants to join. i hope it is, i think he needs something that is just for him, where he socialises with people. i also need to start thinking about what it is i like to do, because right now i feel that i am just a kitchen maid. i cook, clean, do laundry, do the food shop, make the lunches, run the family finances, work full time, take the dog to training, etc etc etc. and all i do aside from that is read, and watch crime docs. it is very not good for my brain. i might go to circuits tomorrow just to move my body.
i also start my NEW JOB tomorrow and i am very nervous. i don't know how much to mask. i want them to like me so i pass probation, but i am so down that i dont think i can put a proper face on and keep it going without causing burn out.
i am tired of being tired and i am sick of myself.
currently reading: crown of midnight
currently wishing: that i knew who the hell i was
pity party over for a bit. stuff the emotions back in the box and lock them in the back of your head so you can continue with day to day life.
*thumbs up emoji*
went to tesco this morning, had a panic attack midway through because it was so big and i didn't know where anything was. then came home and put the food away but was too anxious to eat. its 3.15pm and i've just had a pack of crisps.
i need to clean the kitchen - i am so bored of cleaning the kitchen - and do laundry and put the laundry away. i finally finished reading alchemised, and i am now playing around with my budget for the year. i've got about £10 'spare' each month. not great, but at least i can get through each month without adding to the credit cards now. the sooner chris is working the easier i will be able to breathe. it's so much for one person to carry all the time.
i did some teeny investments at the start of the month when i decided to get my self together, and they are doing well, so thats nice. because i only invested £25 i am only up 84p so far, but its still a free 84p. unfortunately i still need another week of food shopping, we will need to fill the van up with fuel, and chris will need more tobacco before next payday hits and i have about £10 in my account so.... either i withdraw from my savings or i go into my overdraft. i need to start doing vinted listings again, but they've changed the whole sizing thing and nobody has bought any of my things since then.
i thought about sprucing up the kitchen on a budget, but it would take about three months to do with the way the finances are. my current plan is some more artwork, a new runner rug, some stick on tiles, silicone-ing the counters together (side-eyeing the woman we bought the house from here, her DIY skills are shoddy to say the least), getting some cupbboard risers, an extra countertop and some adjustable desk legs from ikea.... everything just feels like it will take too long to start, but at the same time if i don't start, it will just take longer so.
chris is currently over at the football field watching the over 40s game to see if its something he wants to join. i hope it is, i think he needs something that is just for him, where he socialises with people. i also need to start thinking about what it is i like to do, because right now i feel that i am just a kitchen maid. i cook, clean, do laundry, do the food shop, make the lunches, run the family finances, work full time, take the dog to training, etc etc etc. and all i do aside from that is read, and watch crime docs. it is very not good for my brain. i might go to circuits tomorrow just to move my body.
i also start my NEW JOB tomorrow and i am very nervous. i don't know how much to mask. i want them to like me so i pass probation, but i am so down that i dont think i can put a proper face on and keep it going without causing burn out.
i am tired of being tired and i am sick of myself.
currently reading: crown of midnight
currently wishing: that i knew who the hell i was
